Redefining My Success

I remember my attending once telling me,

“it doesn’t Matter how much you like your career, it will eventually become just a job.”

And I remember that statement catching me off guard.

Well then, why was I working so freaking hard if it wasn’t going to matter anyway. It didn’t really help my mindset at the time, but that quote hung on at the back of my head for years.

When I quit my job, that quote moved to the forefront of my brain again, LOUD and clear. I spent months wondering, agonizing really, over the decision to quit. I really loved what I did.

I loved healing patients, learning how to perfect my surgical techniques, and making patients feel safe amongst so many other things.

There were so many things I loved about my career choice, but the “job” was different. It was the job that was leading me to burnout, no matter how much I loved about my career. It took some serious work to start separating the two.

I was compensated well. I was able to afford all the things that I wanted for myself and my family. I had worked as medical director, which gave me a wide range of experience and, more importantly to me at the time, a title very early on in my career. But I was getting home at 9 pm on many nights, taking calls every single night, even on my off days, and dealing with complex situations that were often draining. The negatives started outweighing the positives even though I was successful by the corporate definition of the word.

But what was my definition of success? Society has led us to believe success is feeling financially secure while checking off a list of goals. But the truth is, success is a very individualized concept. As it should be. During that actualization process, I had to sit down and determine my own definition of success. I always claimed one of my successes was my family, but I was no longer treating them as a priority. If a phone call from the answering service came through, I would answer it even if I was in the middle of putting my baby to sleep. My 4 year old started asking me why I was on call every day. During the decision process of quitting, I realized I didn’t want my life to be controlled by a list of goals anymore. And I surely didn’t want my family to feel like work came before them. I made a list of my top priorities. It was astonishing to see how many things I had on my priority list that I was actually not prioritizing. Things needed to change. I wanted my goals to continue to drive me but it took a minute, some coaching and some therapy to see that were multiple ways to get there. I no longer needed to follow a strict, straight path nor did it need to happen with any urgency. It felt liberating.

My new journey was going to be full of curves and bends and I could meander down it at any pace I wanted. I was still going to have my career. And it was going to flourish on my own terms.